Tuesday, February 16, 2010

RADical Art

I haven't blogged much about RAD lately, and that alone is probably telling about the stage we are in now. It isn't all consuming anymore. She's healing. She's attaching. She's making big strides.

Now that doesn't mean RAD isn't alive and well. It doesn't mean gross manipulation or other yucky behaviors don't show their ugly heads on a daily basis. But what is present now that was so absent before is empathy. And dare I say a conscience. She's thoughtful. She's accepting and giving genuine affection and words of praise. And now I need to get up and jump up and down for joy because you have no idea what a big deal that is.

Mostly what we deal with now is obnoxiousness. Times a hundred. Way over the top giggling and silliness. Very loud. Very anxious... all of those probably stem from anxiety and low self value. Oh, if she could just see herself the way I see her. Better yet, the way Jesus sees her. She's so beautiful. And so talented. She has a lot to offer this world. Look at this picture:

Ok, so I know it's stellar parenting to compare children. But I'm just being honest. My born of the body babies have zero art skill. They take after me. They love to see it, love to do it, but the actual work falls a little short. My stick people look disproportionate. That tale you hear about people that can't draw a straight line - That'd be me. So it may not take a whole lot to impress me. Even so, I'm thinking all the bright colors and the drawing is just really good for 5. Somebody tell me what a great artist she is. ;)

Then there are the self portraits. These make me sad. It still amazes me how her little face can smile like she is in these photos. How she can laugh all day and seemingly have a good time, and yet when she draws herself, or draws pictures of the day, she's always sad in the pictures. I have seen a few pictures that she actually drew a smile on her face, but there would still be something different about her. She's tinier than everyone else. Or she's towering over everyone else. All the little girls can have the same color clothes, but hers will be different. She even explained to me one day that her clothes were different and that's why she was sad. She also almost always has a tac, a nail, or a needle (her descriptions) poking out of her arms or legs. Oh, she breaks my heart!

So that's where we are... working hard to build her little spirit (you can't imagine how hard that is in a child who also needs constant correction). I guess what it sort of boils down to is we are working on our parenting. Because when I want to scream at her she really needs to be pulled close. Cause when I want to take her behavior personally it really has nothing at all to do with me. Cause when I want her to shut up with the stupid questions already, she really needs me to talk to her. And not say shut-up. So I go in the bathroom, and bang my head on the wall a few times. And come out with a smile and say, "Yes, dear, that's the kitchen. And since you don't know how to get there, we can practice together." Ah, life with RAD.


cmbbyrd said...

She is such a beautiful little girl and a great artist! I will pray for all of you as you help her heal.

Me said...

I do think her artwork is beautiful, and she is very talented. What expression and emotion she has in her art. That is a sign of a true artist. I am also sad that she has such strong negative emotion of herself, but think it is good that she can express that through her art. I think art therapy is cool. I actually wanted to be an art therapist once, really considered it. I finished school in social work, but lacked 2 classes of having a minor in art.

Mandy said...

Wow, she really does have talent in the art category! Reminds me of how madison was at that age... which I thought was normal until I had more kids... that happen to also be boys.. uh-hum..

I will be praying as well for her brokenness to heal. For her to see that she is beautifully and WONDERFULLY made.