Not Me Monday

I am not posting a "Not Me Monday" on Friday. Just because I want to. Because I totally do not have writer's block at the moment.

I am not that hard pressed for something to post. I have 6 girls for crying out loud. And a crazy husband. Can't somebody provide me some material?

I did not buy a route 44 cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper. Because you know, I seriously have $3 to blow on a drink. And I seriously do not have heart palpitations or trouble sleeping after that much caffeine and sugar - even if said drink was consumed at 6:30 a.m.

I absolutely did not only have about 3 sips and then let that wonderfully evil thing go to waste. Gah! Kids are starving in other countries.

The cup did not stay in the cup holder in the van,... for, like a week or more (still full, liquid sloshing every big bump). You know, until it had mold in there.

Then, my Faith-ie pooh did not take a big fat gulp of it on day 8 or 9 or 15.

She also did not then roll down the window, and totally spew right out the side of the moving van. (Sorry to the folks in the green bug behind us)

And I absolutely DID NOT laugh my head off. Because, you know I'm a better mother than that. How inconsiderate could I be? NOT ME!

Not Me Monday

This did NOT happen at my house!!!!!

And for the record, I was NOT too busy. The bat made it onto the windshield while my husband was driving, and I really didn't know until 2 days later, when I was INSIDE the van, going 60 mph. After that, I just forgot. I was NOT waiting on my husband to dispose of it. Because, that would indicate I expect him to do what I ask. I would NEVER do that. And I most certainly would NOT continue to see that bat staring at me every time I walked outside and just ignore it there. NOT ME!

And she even left out more of the gross things that she DIDN'T see! Faith killed a deer on the youth hunt a little over a week ago. Being her first, she was excited to say the least. Because the dear deer lacked any antlers for keepsakes, she and her Papa decided to cut off her hoof. Home to my house it came, in a little ziplock sandwich bag. I yelled, er, um, I mean instructed her to get that thing out of my house! And to take it out of the bag and hang it so it would dry out. She heard the "Get that out of my house!" part. Of course her ears turned off after the first sentence. My kids NEVER do that. They ALWAYS follow directions in their entirety.

Faith did not coming running INTO THE HOUSE, with that hoof, still in the bag, while my dear friend was here. There were NOT any bugs in there. No maggots, either. NOT IN MY HOUSE! NEVER! (You'd think my house was full of boys, rather than 6 girls!)

I am NOT gross! My carport is ALWAYS clean. Bat-free. Bird-poop free. Acorn free. And most importantly, Maggot free.

Also, I would NEVER post a Not-Me-Monday without following the rules. I would NEVER do it wrong. So now, I'll fix what I did NOT do. Stop by MckMomma's and check out her blog! She's got a new little miracle that you can join in the celebration for!

Not Me Monday

I did not drive around town Sat. running errands, the van fully kid-free, yet jamming to the Veggie Tales' version of "Ease on Down the Road". Not me!

Last week with the van loaded down with kids, I absolutely did not stop at a stop light, throw it in park, unbuckle and jump over 2 seats to sweetly re-buckle a kid who thinks climbing out of her seat is funny. I repeat sweetly. I did not hurdle back over the seats into my own driver's seat just as the light was turning green.

I then, did NOT see a policeman in the adjacent turning lane. And I in no way smiled and waved. Because that would just be stupid. And He did not smile and wave back. He also did not pull at his own seat belt, and point to mine, which wasn't buckled. Because, you see, the driver should always be buckled. Heck, the driver should be in her seat. Where I ALWAYS am! :)

Later, I did not see another policeman. Gosh, I'm glad it wasn't the same one. You know, the one I didn't see earlier that morning. Anyway, this time I was in my seat, minding my own business. I did not have a cell phone in one hand. I also did not have a french vanilla cappuccino in the other hand. Because that would leave no hands for driving.... only elbows. I'm much safer than that! And I absolutely DID NOT wave at this police officer, either. There definitely wasn't some slight spewing of sweet coffee from my mouth when I noticed him there...as I hurriedly tried to place the cup in it's holder, while simultaneously throwing the phone across the van as if it was never to my ear. NOT ME!

The officer did not drive off laughing. I did not turn 10 shades of red. My children did not ridicule me about "Po-Po's gonna get Momma." Where did they hear that, anyway? Who calls the police "Po-Po"?

And last, but not least, I did not kick goldfish crumbs under the couch in a quick last stitch effort to not look like the worst house-keeper ever when the doorbell rang. NOT ME!

Not Me Monday

This is not my bed, and we do NOT sleep like this. Ever.

Not Me Monday

I am so NOT posting a "Not Me Monday" on Wednesday. How lame would that be?

I did get out of bed and fix breakfast and feed the kids this morning. I absolutely DID NOT go back to bed with a book and a baby while the rest of the children were left to govern themselves, frying their brains on TV and computer games and running amuck.

Much like my views on TV, I have never thought credit cards came from Satan himself. I don't get my panties in a wad about using credit. However, it's still not normally a lifestyle we choose. We were married for 7 years before we had a credit card at all, and have never carried a balance more than a couple of months. I IN NO WAY just made the stupidest financial decision ever and purchased 2 recliners on 0 down, no payment for 12 months. NOT ME!!!!

I did not just tell one of my kids to hit the other.

I have never rolled the windows down and cranked Laurie Berkner all the way up to drown out a crying baby, a whining toddler, tattling preschoolers, and bickering grade schoolers. Never. I am always of sound mind and wouldn't stoop to reciprocating elementary behavior that solves/teaches nothing.

And I absolutely, would never, ever in a billion years have reese's cups for lunch while demanding my children eat their peanut butter and honey sandwiches and yogurt and pretzels. How rude! (At least I was sneaky about it) Oh, wait...am I supposed to say I wasn't sneaky about it? And that's another thing. I'm NEVER confused. I'm perfect. I always understand.