Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wal-Mart

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

'nuff said.



Ok, so it isn't enough said, since so many of my readers (both of you) don't live in our town and can't fully understand. You see, my wonderful husband usually does the grocery and Wal-Mart shopping. Occasionally I run in for something, but very rarely is it for a basket full of stuff. Every time I go with my children, I swear I will never go again with them in tow. My hubby would rather go himself than keep kids while I go.

Note to self: drill husband about that later.

So, because my husband started a new job today (temporary, but a long day none the less), he was not due home until after 6:00. I could not even fix supper without a grocery trip, first. I did not want him to go spend all that time in Wal-Mart, nor did I want to leave as soon as he came in. Being the loving, caring, thoughtful, and humble wife that I am, I loaded up the kids and headed to hell.

Yes, I said it. Oooo, the "h" word. Hell yes, I said it. Stay tuned and I might use some more choice words. I really forgot they were remodeling here. I couldn't find a dang thing. And I wasn't the only one. Half our town was wandering around Wal-Mart with confused looks on their faces. And the workers were just as clueless. It might've been funny to just walk around and people watch if I hadn't been toting three yr. olds who have to touch everything. Each had to pee. At different times, mind you. And did ya know the newly remodeled bathrooms have automatic toilets? Well, they do. And wouldn't you know it....I have 3 toddlers who won't pee on those kinds of toilets.

I was waiting on DHS to show up and take my kids away from me. I can only imagine what the people in the next stall were thinking. It went something like this:

First of all, keep in mind they can see 8 feet in one itty bitty stall. First up was Charity. Who was already holding herself and squealing she had to go so bad. (Typical of her) About the time I finally got her to let go of her shorts long enough for me to pull them down, the potty flushed. 3 kids screamed. It echoed. Which Blessing thought was neat so from that point forward she was saying over and over and over and over again, "HEY!!!" in her ever-so-loud-and-gruff-voice. Oblivious to all else happening in the stall, she just cupped her hands around her mouth in her corner and kept shouting, "Hey!". Charity locked her knees straight and for the life of me I COULD NOT set her little tooshy on that potty. Some how in all the wrangling of feet and arms and getting her seated properly up there, I must have knocked Grace, already terrified and crying from the auto-flushing potty, into the paper dispenser. There was some muffled crying going on...seeing as how her face was smushed into my own backside. It was kind of hard to hear what she was actually saying. What, with all the "HEY!" hollering from Blessing and the potty that seemed to think it needed to flush every few seconds. Finally I heard her, "Momma, You're squishing me and it hurts my feelings!!", she was saying. Never mind all the things I said while in that stall with the 3 of them. I assure you, every last girl in there was traumatized. Myself included. People seeing us come out of there probably had to wonder what in the world was happening behind those doors. I'm confident I'll have nightmares involving automatic potties from now on. And so will my children.

Back to the actual shopping trip. I left without bacon bits. When someone finds the aisle they are on, please let me know. I gave up after the 4th trip around the place with only that left on my list.

9 comments:

Jeff said...

next time, call or email me with your shopping list!!!!!

hsmomma5 said...

Darling, I hate to make light of your hellish afternoon in WM. But girl, it may be because I read this out loud to C, but I just wrapped up the longest belly laugh I think I have ever had. I am in tears. You, my dear, are a master story teller!!!!

Shelley said...

bacon bits, I am sure, are probably with the ketchup in the GIRLS CLOTHING department, beside the SHOES??????

holy cow I am SICK of them shuffling stuff all over!

deepfriedpicklesandicecream said...

Poor Grace with her booty muffled speech.LOL

My hubby goes to the store sans the rest of us most of the time too.Its just easier that way.

Thats so sweet of Jeff-Id take him up on that one!!

Maury said...

Next time...GO TO SAVE A LOT! LOL

Yes, I am laughing too, but I totally understand. We have had those same times in a bathroom stall with 3 little ones needing to pee so badly. I remember one time poor Leah had to poop so bad, and she was on there and it flushed 3 times on here, and she came of like a firecracker off that pot everytime. I felt so bad for her.

My girls have figured out an AWESOME solution to this. They hold their hand over the little sensor...I think it is square....and take turns for each other. As long as you don't move that hand off that square, it will not flush. That way I don't have to squeeze past, and also don't have to lean over and hold it. That has been a lifesave considering how many times we go to public restrooms!

Maury said...

I just read your comment about diving....haha! I don't know that his is much more of a dive than how you describe blessing! It is kinda there, but is still more of a belly buster! Oh well, I can't talk, I have never been able to dive!

Brownie said...

funny! A commenter on my blog suggested I check on your blog - glad she did!

We also adopted our foster child - and are looking at getting two more.

I'm a little in panic mode right now.....

Your blog was fun to read. My little guy will go in those public restrooms and yell "Ha-WOH?!" again and again just for the echo.

40winkzzz said...

LOL!!!! (And feel privileged: I don't write that often.) Posts like these are why I keep your blog on my reading list. (Not that I don't enjoy your other posts as well.)

The nice thing about having had my kids spaced well apart (not that that was my intention, mind you) is that after a while, I had this wonderful thing called "built in babysitters". By the time my 4th was born, I could leave my (little terror of a) 3-y/o home with my (responsible) 11-y/o and just take the (helpful) 8-y/o and baby to the store. Very nice indeed.

BTW, I think I am the referring commenter to whom your previous commenter referred. You may thank me in chocolate. But *I* found you via chickadee, so you might have to thank her in chocolate instead, which would be easier since you wouldn't have to mail it.

Annie said...

We do not pee in public. Period. Which was ok til we went on vacation. My husband thinks I'm crazy, "they have to go" we left home 20 minutes ago we'll be back shortly. He thinks they'll eventually get bored of the exploratory trips. I have two that are three and a four year old. I'm sure I'm creating some sort of psychosis regarding public restrooms, but we'll cross that bridge later.

Now a question, were you hoping or fearing that DHS would come for them all? :)