Darn Dog

Meet Happy. She's the newest member of our family, and we love her.

A little while back, when it snowed outside, I took the camera out to take pictures of the kids. Seemed like every picture I snapped, there Happy was, attached to Grace's sleeve.



I swear she had those teeth sunk into Grace's sleeve for 30 minutes.



Grace finally looked at me and said, "Darn dog". I've gotta do better about my language. So doesn't sound good hearing it back out of my child's mouth. At least she didn't say "CCCRRRRAAAAAAPPPPP". Which my mouth seems to be fond of lately. Think less of me? Shoulda heard what I said when I walked into the open cabinet door. You know, the one right at forehead level, that I had left open to put dishes away out of the dishwasher. Smart, huh?

What It Really Looks Like

Remember that cute table?



Not so much. I mean, it can be. But it never is. It's this constant hangout place for homework, school books and projects, colors, plates and snacks. Look close... there's a glue gun, an old applesauce cup, empty cereal box, sunflower seeds, magnetix, and tiny pet shop toys.



Then again, at any given time there are children being nourished at that table. Children patiently (or not) learning to work diligently, take pride in their work, and accomplishing great feats (learning to spell is great, right?). Children laughing over their snack or playing peek-a-boo with their little sister. Life is good. Clutter drives me crazy. But life is good.

Must Post Something

Except I have no idea what. Oh... Oh, when you can't think of anything, it comes in bullet points, right? Last week I:

- saw the doctor. One of those dreaded appointments when a girl needs one of Annie's hoodie/sarong packs. I also took a scolding like I was 3 - for minimizing and waiting to come in. Trying not to share just way too much information in an inappropriate place, but the scolding might have been slightly less humiliating had we been talking face to face. Ahem. And the real joy is I get to do it all again (I was referred) this week. Lucky, lucky me.

- saw the doctor again. This time my 4 year old had/has torticollis. I had actually been waiting on an excuse to take her in to talk about some developmental issues, anyway. My concerns for her are growing... and so Blessing, too, left with a referral. 2 of them actually. One to PT for her torticollis and one to a children's testing type facility. Our clinic really should just put up a statue out front for our contributions. I love my doctor, but I've seen a little much of her lately. ;)

- My husband played the guitar and I sang at a wild game supper Saturday night. Only we crashed and burned. Really. We could not find each other for the life of us. Only 300 people there. Sheesh. Other than that it was a great night with lots of interesting food (ever had coon?), great fellowship and fun.

- Because of all the winter weather we've had, we've missed "fairapy" for over a month. Charity is hanging in there. She has her moments, but she's actually tolerated it pretty well. It's probably me that needs it more than she does. It forces me to concentrate on Charity only and enjoy her for the shining personality she is... instead of constantly barking the corrections.

How Sweet It Is

... to hold a new born baby (I've been humming that song since I got my hands on this little one). It really is one of my favorite things... to rock a baby, to hear their little coos. I behaved myself. I didn't ask to undress her. I didn't see her tiny feet.



It's even sweeter when the tie that binds you is a special one. This sweet baby's family loved me when I was unlovable - when I was doing a pretty sufficient job of pushing away everyone in my family hard and furious (yes, I was one of those teens). They played a very special role in my life and I love them dearly.



My two older girls tagged along... they took after their momma when it comes to loving babies. Faith, especially, immediately started in on wanting another one for our own family. Really? You have 5 sisters and you want more? To which she replies quickly that it REALLY needs to be a boy. Bi-racial. Like we can go to McDonald's and place an order.



I love that they know just how to hold a baby. I love that their siblings have given them a glimpse into what life is like for others... they've literally seen children ripped from their parents (that was an accident, how that all happened was extremely unprofessional) but it has really shaped how they see our life, and how they care for little ones.

RADical Art

I haven't blogged much about RAD lately, and that alone is probably telling about the stage we are in now. It isn't all consuming anymore. She's healing. She's attaching. She's making big strides.

Now that doesn't mean RAD isn't alive and well. It doesn't mean gross manipulation or other yucky behaviors don't show their ugly heads on a daily basis. But what is present now that was so absent before is empathy. And dare I say a conscience. She's thoughtful. She's accepting and giving genuine affection and words of praise. And now I need to get up and jump up and down for joy because you have no idea what a big deal that is.

Mostly what we deal with now is obnoxiousness. Times a hundred. Way over the top giggling and silliness. Very loud. Very anxious... all of those probably stem from anxiety and low self value. Oh, if she could just see herself the way I see her. Better yet, the way Jesus sees her. She's so beautiful. And so talented. She has a lot to offer this world. Look at this picture:



Ok, so I know it's stellar parenting to compare children. But I'm just being honest. My born of the body babies have zero art skill. They take after me. They love to see it, love to do it, but the actual work falls a little short. My stick people look disproportionate. That tale you hear about people that can't draw a straight line - That'd be me. So it may not take a whole lot to impress me. Even so, I'm thinking all the bright colors and the drawing is just really good for 5. Somebody tell me what a great artist she is. ;)

Then there are the self portraits. These make me sad. It still amazes me how her little face can smile like she is in these photos. How she can laugh all day and seemingly have a good time, and yet when she draws herself, or draws pictures of the day, she's always sad in the pictures. I have seen a few pictures that she actually drew a smile on her face, but there would still be something different about her. She's tinier than everyone else. Or she's towering over everyone else. All the little girls can have the same color clothes, but hers will be different. She even explained to me one day that her clothes were different and that's why she was sad. She also almost always has a tac, a nail, or a needle (her descriptions) poking out of her arms or legs. Oh, she breaks my heart!



So that's where we are... working hard to build her little spirit (you can't imagine how hard that is in a child who also needs constant correction). I guess what it sort of boils down to is we are working on our parenting. Because when I want to scream at her she really needs to be pulled close. Cause when I want to take her behavior personally it really has nothing at all to do with me. Cause when I want her to shut up with the stupid questions already, she really needs me to talk to her. And not say shut-up. So I go in the bathroom, and bang my head on the wall a few times. And come out with a smile and say, "Yes, dear, that's the kitchen. And since you don't know how to get there, we can practice together." Ah, life with RAD.

Snow

Yesterday evening the flakes began to fall. My kids were super excited. They didn't wait for it to accumulate, as soon as it was snowing they headed out. It rarely snows here in our little corner of the world, and the little girls have been praying nightly for snow.



Charity wasn't having the best of days (far from the worst, though) and needed to finish up a chore before going out. I think it hurt me way worse than her to make her stay in. She got with the program though, and made it outside not too long after the rest of us. I'm thinking maybe something fairly traumatic happened around a wintry storm. I'm remembering the last time it snowed (2 years ago) she was a pill. Sabotaged the fun. Couldn't sled or enjoy anything. Come to think of it, I know that her move to me happened when her foster mom fell on ice and broke her hip. Charity was with her and saw her loaded into the ambulance, writhing in pain. She later told me that G.S. (her name for foster mom) fell on purpose so that she wouldn't have to care for her anymore. Maybe there's a connection to yesterday's yucky behaviors?

Faith got snow in her pants. Hilarious.



Mercy desperately wanted outside, too, so despite already having the sniffles, I took her outside. She loved it. But she didn't see much.


The kids all went out for round 2 this morning. With Dad. And the big 2 were mmmaaaaaadddddd about going to school. We let them play first, and be tardy. I hate school. I really do. I'm still a homeschooler at heart. This stinks. I wanted to keep them home today. Ugh.



Our home this morning:

Sick-er-Scared

In our room sits a couch.. well, not really. Really it's an extra large chair. You know, sort of a loveseat, but only one huge cushion - comes with an ottoman kind of couch. When we moved, we no longer had room for it in our living room, and so it made its home in our bedroom. I didn't realize what a great decision that would be. It just sort of happened by default, but it has proven to be of great use there.

You see, we used to sleep a little something like this:



Our bed was (still is to some degree) like a revolving door. Any given night 1 or 2 or 6 children would find their way to our bed sometime during the night. We've pretty much always been very laid back about that, even enjoying the nighttime snuggling, and have even purposefully slept with our babies. Also slept purposefully with our adopted children to promote attachment (or in Mercy's case just because it was easier to care for her at night).

But with our number of children, and since there is no bed big enough for 8, things had to change. I'm getting older. I require more sleep. Once we moved we started telling children that they were more than welcome in our room, bring a pillow and blanket with them and get on the couch. PERFECT! We're still approachable, in sight for scared little ones, ear shot for sick ones, but getting sleep without kidney punches or kicks to the head or stealing of covers.

Grace had strep a week or so ago, and as I tucked her in she asked if she could sleep on the "sick-er-scared couch". Didn't realize it had a name, but yes, dear, it's always available for that very reason.